If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
