Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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