Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Boobs speak an international language.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
