The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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