Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
