I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
