I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
