i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
