you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
