Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
