Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
