I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
