Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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