I wannas sexs uuuuu
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this boner is exhausting
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
