beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
