the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
