im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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