It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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