This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
