Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
