look no pants
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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