I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
