People with herpes should wear stickers.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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