OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
