fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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