Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
