Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
