I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
