Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
