Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
