I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
