i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
