i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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