He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
