We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
