Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
