You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
