She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
