atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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