Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize