i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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