her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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