this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
