Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
