your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
