you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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