Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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