We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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