I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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