Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
