Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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