just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
