if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
