I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
