I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
