The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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