good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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