Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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