I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
