I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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