So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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