If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the condom got lost in my hair
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
