NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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