apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
