I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
