Kiss
Puke
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
