I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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