with your own penis?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
