I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
