guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
