I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
