So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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