Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
