I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
