Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
