I want to stick my p in your. b.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
