you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
